


Old Habits Die Hard

by TuffAndFluff



Series: Essential Reads [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25375975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TuffAndFluff/pseuds/TuffAndFluff
Summary: Junkrat’s been through a lot, having to live on his own in the irradiated wasteland of the Outback since he was a child. That kind of life does things to people, and he’s got a lot of repressed memories that creep back to him uninvited, memories that he’d rather forget again as soon as possible. But he also wants to prove to his new girlfriend that he’s an unfaltering pillar of strength, always there to protect her and provide for her. How can he do that if he shows any type of weakness?
Relationships: Junkrat | Jamison Fawkes/Original Character(s)
Series: Essential Reads [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840765
Kudos: 1





	Old Habits Die Hard

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted October 7th, 2019. Original author's note: "I don’t write angst too often so this was interesting to try out. I set this fic right at the start of my relationship with Jamie, so he’s still learning to love and be vulnerable, which can be hard after repressing your emotions for around twenty years."

Ruby was stirred into consciousness by a sudden chill. She nuzzled further into the blanket and instinctively reached out for Junkrat; when nights got as cold as this one, the warmth of his embrace never failed to keep her comfortable.

But he wasn’t there.

She sat up at this realization and looked at the spot where he had been lying when she fell asleep. Sure enough, there was nothing there now but a hollow space and the blanket was upturned near the edge of the bed.

She noticed a gentle light seeping through the crack under the bedroom door, and she scooted to the edge of the bed and hopped onto the floor, making her way through the dark until she reached the door and pulled it open slowly. She noticed that the light was coming from the kitchen, and as she scanned the living room, she also noticed that one of the chairs from the dining table was missing.

She slinked towards the kitchen, each creak of the floorboards amplified against the silence of the night. She peeked around the corner, her eyes gradually adjusting to the light, and her heart caught in her throat as she processed what was in front of her.

Junkrat was sitting in the chair he had stolen from the dining table, his back turned to her and his head drooping as he stared at the floor and mumbled to himself. He had positioned himself in front of the refrigerator, and Ruby quickly realized that the light was coming from the open fridge door. She spotted something hanging from his hand. Her eyes went wide. It was a wine bottle. She looked over his slumped shoulders at the counter. Two more bottles were laying on their sides, noticeably empty. 

Time seemed to freeze; Junkrat’s silhouette was uncharacteristically still, the only movement from him being his mouth as he inaudibly rambled. A chill went through Ruby as she stared at him in dismay. He suddenly brought the bottle to his lips, tipping it upwards and tossing his head back in a swift motion that looked alarmingly habitual. The abrupt movement brought Ruby back to reality, and she stepped forward into full view.

“Jamie?”

His shoulders tensed up, and he whipped his head around to see her there in the doorway, staring at him with her hands clasped together at her chest and a frightened look on her face. In his shock he nearly forgot to lower the wine bottle, causing the last of the alcohol to spill from his mouth and down his chest.

“Cripes, Roobs, you scared the fuck outta me. Goddamn…” He ran his arm across his chin, wiping off the wine that lingered there. He stared at the wet patch on his arm, then giggled and looked back at her as he held it up. “Here, ya want any? ‘Fraid the only bit left is what’s on me,” he slurred as he haphazardly set the empty bottle up on the counter, nearly knocking off the other two. “I wouldn’t mind lettin’ ya lap it up, though,” he snickered, looking at her as if she would actually play along.

His drunken playfulness only furthered her concern. She took a step towards him. “What are you doing in here?”

“Couldn’t sleep” was all the answer he gave as he turned his body in the chair to face her, leaning his head on his hand and propping his elbow up on the chair’s back. As she got closer to him, she noticed how red his eyes were. If they were that bloodshot, he must have been tired, so why did he say he couldn’t-

Ruby looked closer. His eyes were red, yes, but they were also cloudy, and wet streaks mirroring the one down his chest ran from his eyes across his cheeks, creating a trail through the soot that caked his face. 

She bit her lip as she felt her heart cry out in sympathy. She had no idea why, but something was very wrong.

“Jamie, is there anything you want to talk about,” she asked as she reached out to wipe his face.

His cheeky grin suddenly turned into a defensive glare, and he jerked his head away from her before she could touch him. “No,” he spat a bit too quickly, shifting his eyes to the floor. His grin came back in an attempt to hide his outburst, and he let out a half-hearted chuckle. “Nah, babe. Everything’s apples here.” He didn’t look back up at her.

“Jamison. I can _tell_ something’s wrong,” she pressed on, desperately wanting to comfort him.

He closed his eyes and let out a pained sigh that starkly contrasted his toothy grin. “Nothin’ gets past you, does it,” he muttered, before he suddenly sprang out of the chair and firmly placed his hands on his hips. “Well, ya caught me red-handed, love! Or red-faced, I s’pose.” He laughed at his own joke, but Ruby silently watched him with furrowed brows, waiting for an explanation. 

“Thing is, I was just thinkin’ bout, er, t-this real ripper milk bar back home! Oi, that place had the best snags, it brings a tear to me eye just thinkin’ bout ‘em.” He looked down at her and flashed what was definitely in the top five of his widest smiles.

Ruby’s worried gaze didn’t budge. Her boyfriend was a lot of things- a daredevil, a total screwball, a genius with machines, a reckless mercenary- but God if he wasn’t a terrible liar.

His smile ebbed a bit as he realized he had failed to convince her. “...No?”

“No,” she sighed as she reached out to him again. He merely watched with pursed lips as her hands stretched out past his shoulders, and he flinched a bit when she cupped his head in her hands, her thumbs brushing across the streaks on his face. “Just let me help you.”

He stiffened, staring at her with reluctance, before he leaned down into her touch, placing his flesh hand over hers as he closed his eyes. A shaky breath passed over his lips, then he sniffed, his nose audibly stuffy; he let out another sigh, then a whimper, and finally a small sob. As soon as he had let it escape, though, he turned away again, this time taking a few steps to his right as he began to tug on his hair.

“This is stupid, this is so bloody stupid, you shouldn’t hafta see this, you shouldn’t see me like this,” he repeated as he looked up at the ceiling.

“It’s not stupid, Jamie. It’s alright to cry if you’re upset-”

Hearing the word ‘cry’ triggered something in him, and he snapped back around at her. “I’m not fuckin’ crying over nothin’,” he insisted through gritted teeth. His eyes betrayed him as a few stray tears fell to the floor, and he cursed and turned away again. 

Ruby had had enough. It was killing her to see him refusing her support even though he needed it. She stepped towards him as anger mixed in with her sorrow. “Stop lying to my face, Jamison. Why can’t you just let me help you?” She edged closer to him as that anger overwhelmed her sympathy. “We’re a couple now, remember? You’re my partner, I should be able to help you,” she hissed. “Or is that just how you roll, just like back home, never asking for help or letting anyone in, lest it hurt your precious Junker pride!”

He turned back around with anger burning in his eyes. “Rack off, that’s got nothin’ to do with it!”

“Then what is it? What’s-”

“I just can’t, damnit!”

“Why not?!” Tears welled up in Ruby's eyes now. “Why can’t you just let me in, after I’ve done the same for you?!”

“I don’t wanna-”

“Do I really mean so little, you can’t stand to be even a bit sensitive-”

“ _I’m not some weak fuckin’ child anymore!!”_

His sudden yelling stunned Ruby into silence.

“I ain’t one of them other bastards who sits curled up in the dirt cryin’ for mommy ta come back and say that it’s all right! Cuz guess what?! She ain’t fuckin’ coming back! No one _ever_ comes back, so tough shit! I’m the only one I need ta survive, and goddamnit, I fucking _survived!_ ”

Junkrat slammed his fist against the counter. There was a deafening silence. One of the bottles rolled off the counter, falling to the floor and shattering. Ruby felt like her heart was doing the same.

“What… what do you mean, you’re the only one you need,” she said, her voice cracking. She felt hot tears streaming down her face.

Junkrat’s eyes went wide as he realized what he had said. “Shit. Wait, Roobs, I didn’t mean it like-”

“Why can’t you realize you’re not out there and alone anymore? You don’t have to fight to survive. You’re allowed to let your guard down.”

“Yeah, I know, but- shit, Ruby...”

“If you know, then why won’t you just let me help you?” She could barely get her words out between sobs now. “Why don’t you tell me anything? Sometimes… sometimes I feel like I barely know you…”

Junkrat recoiled as he watched her cry, unsure of what to do as a familiar pressure grew in his throat. “Damnit, knock that off. I didn’t… oh, bloody hell.” He leaned down and put his arms around her waist, pulling her close and resting his head against her neck as he felt her shoulders convulsing. “I… I’m sorry, Ruby. I made a fuckin’ mess of everything again.” He let out a humorless laugh and watched helplessly as a few of his own tears fell from his eyes and caught on her hair. “Seems ta be all I’m good for after all.”

Everything was quiet again. Gradually Ruby lifted her arms up, hesitated for a bit, then hugged him in return, her arms draped around his back. “Don’t say that. You don’t make a mess of everything.”

“Yes I do. Don’t matter if it’s plans or bargainin’ or relationships. I just… _fuck_ it all up.”

She slid her hands from his back, past his chest and up to his face, and his hands naturally fell to her hips. She pulled him in for a short and sweet kiss, clearing both of their minds even if only for just a moment. When she pulled away, she moved her hand down to his and laced their fingers together.

“Jamison…” she muttered, focusing on their interlocked hands so she didn't have to look him in the eyes. “Can we just… talk?”

He looked down at her, and a woeful grin tugged at the sides of his mouth as he finally gave in. “Yeah. I… I think I’d like that.”


End file.
